Disagree with Civility
In society today, we live in a politically correct façade. Therefore, one has to be perfect in how one looks, behaves, and interacts. There is so much noise out there tearing at your ability to influence. For example, if you disagree with someone, your conversation immediately stops, and you are assigned a label such as inconsiderate or racist. This behavior has created an underlying fear crippling our relationships. As a result, there is no time to discuss or develop a better understanding leading to a solution. We have lost our civility and our Humanity.
In any elected body, you are married to your neighbor whether you sit on a municipal council, state legislature, or congress. The party should be irrelevant. In a marriage, when you disagree with your spouse, emotions are exchanged, feelings are tested, and doors may be slammed shut. After a bit, the door tends to slide open, and a civil conversation ensues with an “I’m Sorry.” Successful relationships tend to move on and evolve with every uncomfortable episode. Imagine if every time you disagree with your spouse, you run to a TV network that you perceive will take your side and demonize your spouse. In addition, you share a similar critique on social media. The slammed door becomes harder to open, and the “I’m Sorry” gets farther away.
Today, try to listen a little more. Do not be afraid to question others to create understanding, not to tear them down. Stand up for your principals but do not let your principals blind you to make everyone stand down. This will further develop your ability to influence.
As I advise executives and politicians in the Business of Politics, I use existing relationships, school experiences, and family interactions as a basis for understanding. My experience on debate teams, mock trials in law school, and watching legislators debate and influence taught me to use the following tactics when debating or discussing an issue:
Never Get Personal - Stick to the issues and critique or tear down arguments, not people.
Listen to Justify - Effectively listen to the other side’s arguments to create counterarguments, support, and justification for your points.
Respect, Thank You, and Please - These are powerful words when you direct them to an opponent especially as your arguments are gaining momentum. “I respect your points but…Thank you for sharing this but…Please be respectful…”
Produce Solid Support - Gather credible data to back your points and use credible people to generate emotion. Armed with this you will tell a powerful story.
Pivot and Dance - If your arguments become unimpactful and your opponent hands you an argument to pursue, accept their dance and pivot your efforts. Influence the momentum to gain an upper hand instead of trying to force a momentum change.
Lose Gracefully and Win with Class - Do not curse when you lose and never gloat when you win.
You can pick up your copy of the Business of Politics here to learn more about how I advise clients.
